What’s the ‘boy/girl sober’ movement on TikTok?

It all gained serious traction with a Julia Fox interview, where she spoke about how she’s been celibate for two years.

On US talk show Watch What Happens Live, she told host Andy Cohen that it was the landmark Roe v Wade ruling on abortion that sealed the deal for her.

“I think with the overturning of Roe v Wade and our rights being stripped away from us, this is a way that I can take back control,” she said.

“And it just sucks that it has to be that way, but I just don’t feel comfortable until things change.”

Nearly 70 per cent of you told us you’ve had a period at some point where you’ve taken a break from dating. So why are so many people going ‘boy/girl sober’? Here’s what you told The Hook Up.

Burnt out by dating apps

A huge reason you’re going dating sober is because you’re sick and tired of using dating apps and the experiences you’re having on them.

Tom told us he went ‘girl sober’ after feeling frustrated with the apps.

“I just realised that I wasn’t enjoying it on there because I felt like I wasn’t really getting anything out of it other than a mental drain and a time sink.

But for Tom these sober stints last a couple of months before he gets back on the apps and repeats the cycle.

“Burnout on the apps can happen again and again,” he said

“You just get sick of having the same conversation over and over. But when I did restart, I was in a better headspace and knew what I wanted.”

Taking time to work on yourself

Going ‘girl sober’ completely changed Adrian’s life, he told The Hook Up. He went from being a party boy, to spending four months off dating, not having sex and not drinking alcohol.

“It was an absolute bender of dates that left me feeling totally unfulfilled and having zero purpose in what I was doing,” he said.

“So I took four months off dating, spent a lot of time with my friends, focusing on my health and fitness, no drinking, just really putting myself first, not needing to go and see anyone.

“I started figuring out exactly what it was I was looking for in a partner, and then going out to look for that.”

Now Adrian’s in a nine month relationship and said he wouldn’t have met her if he hadn’t taken that time off.

“I would have been that wounded, chaotic party boy that I was and she wouldn’t have been interested in that,” he said.

“So I needed that going sober period to figure out what I wanted and where I was going.”

Investing more energy into your friends, career and hobbies

When you’re in a relationship there’s a lot of time, emotional energy and mental energy that’s given to another person. Going ‘dating sober’ and intentionally being single means you get so much more time to put into the things you want. For Lana, that was a huge reason why she stayed ‘boy sober’ for four years.

“And by the time it had been around four years, I just knew I was ready and that it was time for me to re-enter the dating world again,” she said.

Rachel told us she made a conscious choice to be celibate for 12 months.

“I embraced time with family and friends,” she said.

“I took solo trips to the movies, got fitter, embraced all the woo-woo things and had lots of rotting days in front of the TV.

“I remember there was one day when I was embracing this aloneness, and I woke up feeling complete acceptance in being fine on my own and then not long after that I met my partner.”

Stop relying on the validation of others

For some of you going ‘sober’ made you realise dating and sex was a way you sought validation, which was exactly Francesca’s experience.

“I’ve been boy sober for nearly six months post-breakup,” she told The Hook Up.

“One of the biggest things that it helped me realise about my dating habits was just how much my ego relied on the validation of others.”

Meanwhile Bec said she had spent years in relationships and after a break up realised she didn’t know who she was without a partner and “that male validation”.

“So much of my time had been dedicated to boyfriends,” she said.

“So I stayed ‘boy sober’ for about a year and focused on basically dating myself.

“I found all these new hobbies and new friends and I learnt how to be alone and how to feel comfortable with being alone. And it was through this I realised how interesting and intelligent I was and how I could fill my own time with enriching hobbies. It made me see the value that I offered in relationships.”

To process break ups and past trauma

Taking some time away from relationships, sex and dating was a way for a lot of you to process a tough break up.

Ari told us she’d been “jumping from person to person for about 10 years” since she was 16. After a bad break up realised she needed to change her patterns.

“Whether I was dating in a situationship, a relationship or just hooking up, I was constantly filling a void and not doing the inner work that I needed to do,” she said.

“Because I had a lot of mental health issues and self esteem issues and unresolved sexual trauma from sexual abuse. I just wasn’t bringing my best self to the table, in relationships, and I ended up treating people pretty poorly, while also being mistreated in certain situations.

“So at the start of 2023, I made a little pact with myself to just not date for a year to focus on me.”

Ari said she’s not looking to get back out there anytime soon, at least for now.

“The thought kind of scares me, which obviously means that I’m not ready and I still have work to do,” she said,

Everyone’s boy/girl sober journey is different

Whether you’re working on yourself, putting energy into other things or taking a political stance, only you get to decide your dating sober journey. It could be a few weeks, months or like Chris who told The Hook Up — his sobriety would last a lifetime.

“Three years boy sober and recently I dipped my big toe back in but suddenly realised why I prefer being boy sober,” he said.

文章来源：ABC NET

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