Short answer: Maybe don't dump them if they don't peel your fruit Westend61 / Getty Images It all started when I was on TikTok the other day. I noticed a series of videos showing up on my For You Page that didn’t make sense at first. Young couples, typically cisgender and heterosexual, exchanged oranges. More specifically, these videos focused on young women who asked their partners to bring them an orange. If the partner brought the orange peeled and ready to snack on, they were considered thoughtful and sweet. If they brought a plain old orange with the rind still intact, they were inconsiderate and you were destined to see at least a few comments reading, “Red Flag!” and “Dump him.” A quick search on TikTok revealed an avalanche of these videos, creating fiery discourse around how, and if, you should test your relationship with a simple question about an orange. As a therapist, I was fascinated by this phenomenon and decided to peel back its layers.

What is the Orange Peel Theory?

The Orange Peel Theory is yet another TikTok trend in a sea of videos that focus on testing the strength of your relationship. Other recent trends include videos of women pouring large amounts of ketchup on the counter and asking their partners to clean it up and simply grilling your partner to see if they answer questions to your liking. While this trend of videos is seemingly, for the most part, made in jest, it can breed a combativeness in the comments, resulting in strangers commenting on the health of the relationship based on a two-minute video.

Take This With a Grain of Salt (Don't Salt Your Orange Though, Gross)

As a therapist, I have concerns about these trends. First, there is emerging evidence that social media usage can be harmful to relationships. Second, there is also research that indicates how damaging it can be to compare ourselves to others on social media. But, above all, tricking your partner in the public domain is never a great way to establish health and connection in a relationship. There’s far too much room for misunderstanding. What if your partner doesn’t want to clean up the pile of ketchup because they are in the middle of something? What if they misunderstand why you want an orange? Filming and posting these types of interactions on the internet could feel embarrassing and devaluing to them. This being said, if you chat about the experience with your partner afterward and mutually find it to be a fun and silly moment, then no harm no foul. Just keep in mind as you scroll through TikTok that what you see is just a slice of people’s lives, not the whole story. This will help you avoid the trap of comparison.

The Love Language of It All

While I have concerns about the Orange Peel Theory, it does speak to an interesting aspect of relational health: The concept of love languages. The idea behind love languages is that there are five different methods of giving and receiving love. These five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts, and quality time. The orange peel theory speaks to acts of service – if your partner peels the orange, they’re performing an act of service. But, above all, tricking your partner in the public domain is never a great way to establish health and connection in a relationship. When viewed through the lens of love languages, the orange peel theory boils down to an attempt to have one’s love language answered. Rather than making a funny TikTok using the Orange Peel Theory, consider taking our Love Language Quiz together. This can help the two of you connect on how you can meet each other's desires.

What to Do If You and Your Partner Have Different Love Languages?

It is common to have different love languages, so don’t fret if you and your partner realize you’re not on the same page. Part of the power of love languages is that it can allow us to see how we might be missing each other’s needs and offers us opportunities to learn how to meet our partner better. An activity you two can do together once you each identify your love language is to make a list of all the activities you can think of that you feel would satisfy your love language. Then, you can trade lists and discuss each activity. For example, your partner might be surprised to hear you’d want them to peel the orange for you. Alternatively, you may learn your partner’s love language of physical touch doesn’t actually just mean sex. This activity is still powerful even if you have the same love language. You two may likely interpret things differently. To take this a step further, you can decide to place each other’s list somewhere you will see it daily. This way, when you’re stumped on date ideas or feel the relationship is falling into a rut, you can reflect on this list and have plenty of ideas to revive things.

So, Should You Use the Orange Peel Theory to Test Your Relationship?

The Orange Peel Theory isn’t an adequate way to assess if your relationship is healthy, nor does it prove if someone loves you or not. Testing someone in a relationship is never an ideal way to feel closer.

Takeaway

If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, discuss it with them. If you ask them to peel an orange for you and they don't want to do it, talk to them about that. Tell them how little acts of service make you feel loved. See how they’re feeling and assess if there are ways you two can bridge your communication gaps. If you’re noticing communication breakdowns in your relationship, it may be time to consider ways to gather extra support. Seeking out couples therapy can be immensely helpful. Some folks consider it a last resort, but starting it before things get off the rails in a relationship is how deep healing and connection can take place.

Couples Therapy Resources

Not sure where to find a couples therapist? No worries. We love Inclusive Therapists because they have extensive search filters that help you find the perfect match for you. Open Path Collective is another great directory—it has a diverse roster of providers offering sliding-scale sessions. Finally, if you’re not quite ready to leap into couples therapy but want some extra support, we love the Gottman Card Decks App. It is an app designed with the evidence-based Gottman Method in mind that can help couples enhance their communication, restore connection, and find intimacy again.

文章来源：Verywell Mind

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